The Colossal Traffic Jam

Shea to Yankee Stadium, July 8, 2000

An adventure in itself.

So now we're off into an adventure we did not anticipate. I was driving. I had no map. I never have driven from Shea to Yankee Stadium. We just planned to wing it. How hard could it be? We had like 4 hours to kill.

So I fight moderate traffic in the parking lot and go to turn on the entrance ramp to Grand Central Pkwy when a CHIPS guy blows his sirens and passes me on his bike. He stops at the bottom of the ramp, jumps off the bike and holds his hand up to stop my car. Holy crap! A DWI roadblock. We were feeling it a bit. All that I could think was the fact that I was only 2 miles away from Rikers Island. And still a virgin.

But Ponch stays there and never approaches my car. And I'm certainly not going to get out of my car to ask him to kindly move his motorcycle. So we sat patiently.

Just then 2, 3, 4 buses go by being escorted by a caravan of motorcycle cops. It was the teams.
The route was closed so the teams could travel. After the caravan passed, Ponch jumped back on his bike and took off. I sat dumbfounded. I quickly realized we had a police escort to the Bronx if I could catch up to the buses. And we did. Full speed limit to the toll to the Deegan, to the stadium. If the entire trip took 15 minutes, I may be exaggerating.

Little did we know just about everyone else making the trip waited for hours, as many as 4 hours from what we heard.

And here we were almost 4 hours early, walking to one of my favorite spots; The Yankee Tavern. One of the first to arrive. The place was packed with people who watched the first game on TV and those who arrived early who attended the night game only. But I guarantee we were the first fans in the Bronx who was in Shea for the entire day game.

My single friend, always shopping, spots 2 girls at the bar and strikes up a conversation. Turns out there are from New Zealand and looking to go to the game. He has one thing in mind and continues to hang around them.

He finds out they do not have tickets but were planning of scalping a pair. He offers to negotiate for them. Which means I was volunteered to negotiate for them. I was always the designated smooth talker.

I just want to get inside and shake these girls. He has bigger plans for himself. He knows I'm married and always slip into the background when he goes on the prowl. He was working on both of them for himself.

I couldn't find any serious sellers. I was working it. There weren't enough available to work any reasonable deals. I'm down to $2oo each and couldn't get anyone lower.

I give up. I had no dog in this fight so what did I care? But he doesn't want to leave the girls alone. I just want to leave the girls alone. So I concoct a shitty scam to shake them.

I was at a NASCAR race recently and a 250 pound guy accidently went into the wrong gate. He was on one side, the rest of us on the other. He walked right out. We told him he couldn't re-enter once he left. He said no one bothered to check his ticket. The crowd rush was so great.
He was so cocky, he walked through the next gate without handing over his ticket, walked out and then walked into our gate without handing anyone his ticket. He got away with it 3 times in a row.

So I recant that story and tell each one them to cling to our backs and walk right in with us.
This way, I would be inside, my friend would be inside and they would get nailed and he and I could enjoy the game.

Showtime. This was a huge event. The police presence was kicked up a notch. There were no shanigans tonight. Nothing is going to slip by the men in blue this evening.

Except these two chicks! It worked! And who is now the hero? Me. Now there is no shaking them. They were like frickin puppy dogs.

We eventually did. I can't remember how.